Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
