Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
