Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
