im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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