I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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