I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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