Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
