whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
