I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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