where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
