You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
