the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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