Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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