so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
