We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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