i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
