i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
