she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Randomize
