I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
