YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
