I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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