She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
