1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
