please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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