I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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