wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
