Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
