Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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