I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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