I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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