so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize