It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
