if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
