Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
