walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
