remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
