dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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