I need to stop coming to work sober
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Dignity is for republicans.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
