oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
