what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
