Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
