We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
