with your own penis?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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