Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
