dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
