Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
