It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
