Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
