Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
