Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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