Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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