Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
