My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Don't EVER smell your tampon
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
