i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
