one might say we're banned from that church
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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