i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
