Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
