Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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