ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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