I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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