There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
