Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
