Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
