hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Randomize
