I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
