I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
