It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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