We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
