If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
