and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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