Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
