and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
