I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
