i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Let's paint friendship bongs
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
