ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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