He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
