At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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