I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
