So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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