well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize