Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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