She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
