we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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